by The Ortugas

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released March 19, 2017

I mean, Donald Trump really deserves all the credit. Really.

Stan Ortuga: Vox, ukulele.
Dave Ortuga: Guitar, vox, banjo, bongos.
Jack "Legs" Ortuga: Vox, kazoo.
Tony Ortuga: Keys.
Eddie Ortgua: Bass.
Paul El Paso: Drums, guitar.

Produced by Legs Ortuga. Mixed by Eddie Ortuga. Album artwork by Tony Ortuga.



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The Ortugas Milwaukee, Wisconsin

The Ortugas are a band deeply commited to the American Dream.

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Track Name: Fake News / Alternative Facts
You say my toupee belongs in a zoo
I'm gonna say fake news
You say Russia, I say chillax
Them's just alternative facts

Well, the First Amendment
was a great idea
but now it's spread
like gonorrhea

Kellyanne says the words I choose
And anything else is fake news

Once again all you liberals lose
Cuz you're fucking motherfucking fake news
Track Name: Small Hands
I've got these small hands
Still man enough to hold you
They won't understand
That I swear I am the best
No one else can keep you
Safe the way I do
From the people that would hurt you
And burn the rest

My mother came from Scotland
She said, Remember this
You'll keep your father's fortune
In your tiny fists
Track Name: Grab 'Em by the Pussy
You grab 'em by the pussy

I moved on her like a bitch

And I did try and fuck her, she was married
Track Name: I'm Yuge
Hey America
I'm yuge
That's right
I'm yuge
I might tank the banks
And my business stanks
But I'm yuge

America, let me tell you
I'm the best you'll ever see
I know just what it takes
To get a woman to her knees
We'll build a wall and we'll stand tall
And never buy Chinese
We'll pipe that oil through sacred soil
And work to save the bees

Because I'm yuge (I'm yuge)
Yeah, I'm yuge (I'm yuge)
Thank you all for voting
I can't help myself from gloating
Track Name: Rosie O'Donnell
She's soft and lovely
Her name is Rosie
I used to see her every day

She's not disgusting
She just needs a dusting
I used to see her every day

So hey Rosie
Where are you going
I used to see her every day

And though I talk big
You are not a fat pig
I used to see you every day

Hey Rosie
Hey Rosie
Rosie I want to marry you
Track Name: Nasty Woman
Such a nasty woman
Such a nasty woman

She's got eyes, she's got hair
She's got eyes, she's got hair

But you're in for a big surprise
When you go down there
Track Name: Lock Her Up
Lock her up

Give her tongue

Mail her server
Track Name: The Wall
You cannot go over it
You cannot tunnel under it
You cannot go around it
The wall
Track Name: Immigration Reform
It's immigration reform
Ever since the day I was born
It's immigration reform
But who else is gonna pick that corn
It's immigration form

You can keep your guns and land
You can protest this liberal band
But don't you harbor foreign hands
Cuz they'll be gone at my command

We can deport who we please
We can deport from our knees
No border-jumpin' refugees
Who live tax-free off you and me
Track Name: Illegal Voters
The television couldn't stop us now
The lyin' liberals couldn't topple us
All the pollsters didn't realize
That we'd win it all in the end

2 million
Illegal voters couldn't take out
3 million
With their double registrations

The people finally got their champion
We'll make America great again
Paradise will be ushered in
Without the regulations
Track Name: Russia (Imperial March)
Is Russia
Is Russian spies

Is vodka
Is Cabinet ties

Is Pravda
Is all the lies

Is Russia
Is these Putin guys

Track Name: My Hair (I Really Hate the Wind)
Russia's not the enemy
I only care about Iraq
Get rid of all the Mexicans
And all the Democrats
But the biggest fear of my life
Is a mighty wind
Tell Al Roker he's got no right
He's only got two chins

He's fat as Rosie
I really hate the wind
Track Name: #thanksobama
I heard his middle name was Hussein
I thought is our country insane
That is a Mus-al-im name
If I ever heard one

They had this presidential election
And I got Secret Service protection
And I can talk about my erections
If I wanna

Though my hair comes from a llama
Go home and cry to your mama
Cuz I'm the ratings queen of drama
Thanks Obama
Track Name: You're Fired
16 celebrities all in a row
C-list at best
Not ones that you know
Raise a bunch of money for charity
And listen to Ivanka, not even me

Because you're fired, you're fired
Don't ever come back
Celebrity Apprentice
This show's outta whack
You're fired, you're fired
Don't every come back
Just leave the boardroom
And get off my back

16 celebrities now down to 8
Which ones are left are determined by fate
Just kidding, just kidding
It's all in my hands
Small as they are, it's all in the plan
Track Name: America, You're Beautiful (Reprise, Because History Repeats Itself)
[Hysterically and fakely read text from the footnotes of Das Kapital by Karl Marx.]

[There's also an actual speech by Hitler in there, too, because, you know.]